Codependence is wide-spread challenge for countless people in this day and age. Everything from what you learned in your childhood, what was modeled to you relationally as a child teaches you how to enmesh with others, it does not teach you anything about boundaries or how to identify your boundaries, communicate them and up-hold them, with and for yourself, with friends, family, and/or a significant other. Codependency is a pervasive relational experience until you get to working the process of gaining the awareness necessary to create positive healthy change.
Codependency and this style of relating is at the heart of toxic relating, and what are often abusive relationships that may well be on-again and off-again over and over again. Trust, emotional safety, security, and consistency, along with mutuality and reciprocity, respect, and that safe place to fall that a loved one should be are all absent in a toxic relationship.
Toxic relationships can be addictive, they replicate past experience in childhood and are often indicative of a lack of healthy separation/individuation from a parent or parents. This sets up unrealistic expectations on the part of those who are codependent. Unrealistic expectations that someone else will meet your needs for you and be able to read your mind and just know what you want.
Codependent and toxic relationships are often chaotic, with one or both friends, family members, or partners, focusing more on the other and trying to change or fix them - control them - have them be who you need/want them to be than each person controls focusing on what he or she can change and control - him or herself - not anyone else. One or both people whose relational style is codependent are enmeshed with each other, people pleasing, not feeling able to speak up for themselves, not feeling heard, validated or respected, and either the fixer or the one that is deemed to need fixing or needing to change for the other.
Many people who experience chaotic dysfunctional homes, home in which the "don't talk rule" is enforced and lived by often have issues with anger, repressed pain, guilt, shame, and anxiety with or without depression.
A.J. Mahari coaches her clients on not only the background of these challenges but is an expert at helping guide others through the recovery process through her coaching methods. A process and methodology that can and will support your creating empowering positive change in your life. You don't have to be codependent anymore. It can feel scary to make change in this area of your life and set goals to move you out of these old patterns of unhealthy and unrewarding relating and relationships but the freedom you will win for yourself in your own life to pursue your goals and dreams is well worth the journey of recovery from codependency.